![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tsumikI love you. And I believe you are the person I am to spend the rest of my life with. A constant debate rages in my head of why I believe this so. So let me begin.
I think you are the one I love and will love the most. The person I am to spend till my dying breath with. But I know your not ready. My life with it's trials and tribulations with love has made me ready. Ready to let go of all the problems, concerns, doubts I've ever had before and love you with no end. But your 18, your not there yet. I fear I am just a beautiful spark of a love that gives you a taste on your path to completion. I on the other hand know on June 1st 2004 that when you told me you loved me and kissed me with the falling tears from my face i knew. Laying you upon my bed and making love to you like no one else ever before I wanted to cry again. I knew it was you. It was you who I love and fear most. I'm a dangerous man and the only person who could ever keep me at bay and brought to the realms of sanity is a person as dangerous as me. We play this fanciful game of chance. How very small of a chance that this will work between us. It's like putting two explosively volitale chemicals together and praying that the chance like lotto the pair pushes together not in a horribific blast but combines to make something as beautiful and life giving as water.
I fear this game. I wish to throw in the towel and crawl back to the saftey of women who I know my heart and mind dominate and control. Know that I lose very little of myself if things go badly with them. To know that I could carry on with out them. But you are much more dangerous and alive like me. You bare the strength to destroy my being and my soul and in that I find the need to fight.
Unfortunately I've never been in such a fight in my life and have no words, plans, or experience in what to do next. Everything seems completely irrational and crazy. I guess I have to fall on the believe that everytime I've ever voiced my concerns to you I've found the right words to say. How many time has that been and will our luck run out? Is the chaos which I look to throw into the pot of mixing our two chemicals be the bomb in the glass house or the antidote to the poison which is myself.
And is this conflict really love? I fear the death of my parents, brother, and even Kristina in my heart but you are not they're yet. I feel an odd silence there. Is that just a product of love over time. Our love being to green that it has not yet taken roots into my heart but is growing faster then any other ever have.
Your mother seems to be the most viable woman. The one person to ask the most. To ask the right questions and look for the right answers. She would know if I need to go away or to fight and persue the greatest. She one half the guiding force in which helped shape the life which is is you.
My thoughts to paper, my love to the wind. May they land upon your lips and find them home.
I think you are the one I love and will love the most. The person I am to spend till my dying breath with. But I know your not ready. My life with it's trials and tribulations with love has made me ready. Ready to let go of all the problems, concerns, doubts I've ever had before and love you with no end. But your 18, your not there yet. I fear I am just a beautiful spark of a love that gives you a taste on your path to completion. I on the other hand know on June 1st 2004 that when you told me you loved me and kissed me with the falling tears from my face i knew. Laying you upon my bed and making love to you like no one else ever before I wanted to cry again. I knew it was you. It was you who I love and fear most. I'm a dangerous man and the only person who could ever keep me at bay and brought to the realms of sanity is a person as dangerous as me. We play this fanciful game of chance. How very small of a chance that this will work between us. It's like putting two explosively volitale chemicals together and praying that the chance like lotto the pair pushes together not in a horribific blast but combines to make something as beautiful and life giving as water.
I fear this game. I wish to throw in the towel and crawl back to the saftey of women who I know my heart and mind dominate and control. Know that I lose very little of myself if things go badly with them. To know that I could carry on with out them. But you are much more dangerous and alive like me. You bare the strength to destroy my being and my soul and in that I find the need to fight.
Unfortunately I've never been in such a fight in my life and have no words, plans, or experience in what to do next. Everything seems completely irrational and crazy. I guess I have to fall on the believe that everytime I've ever voiced my concerns to you I've found the right words to say. How many time has that been and will our luck run out? Is the chaos which I look to throw into the pot of mixing our two chemicals be the bomb in the glass house or the antidote to the poison which is myself.
And is this conflict really love? I fear the death of my parents, brother, and even Kristina in my heart but you are not they're yet. I feel an odd silence there. Is that just a product of love over time. Our love being to green that it has not yet taken roots into my heart but is growing faster then any other ever have.
Your mother seems to be the most viable woman. The one person to ask the most. To ask the right questions and look for the right answers. She would know if I need to go away or to fight and persue the greatest. She one half the guiding force in which helped shape the life which is is you.
My thoughts to paper, my love to the wind. May they land upon your lips and find them home.
