Waiting for the morning
Jun. 22nd, 2004 11:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tsumikMy heart is waiting for that moment where I wake up and the day seems different. The morning where my heart has let go. Where every thought doesn't consume me and drag me down. That instanteous switch that changes how you precieve everything. I saw her again last night and while I attempted to maintain my cool I realized that I was shaking when I went and sat next to her when she first arrived.
I feel myself growing bitter slightly more everyday. But I don't want to let go. I wish I didn't have to fight these feelings. I want nothing more to either let them go or more so for her to let me lavish them upon her. I must remember it is not my time.
I find it incredible that it's only been 2 months. How did this happen?
In other news my ex girlfriend can go die. I understand she's hurt and I understand she doesn't like this situation, but I was informed about how much she flipped out this weekend and reveled in my misery. Now while I was the one that broke up with her at the end of it all I always attempted to be her friend. I've defended her when people had bad things to say about her, I've helped her when she needed someone, and goodness knows I went out of my way to make things easier on her. What did I get in return? When i confess about my misery she laughs. She's so incredibly happy to know I'm so miserable and that things are not working out with me and Ashley as of late. She is not my friend. No friend finds joy in the misery of their friends.
I want to just turn inward and choke on my own heart.
I feel myself growing bitter slightly more everyday. But I don't want to let go. I wish I didn't have to fight these feelings. I want nothing more to either let them go or more so for her to let me lavish them upon her. I must remember it is not my time.
I find it incredible that it's only been 2 months. How did this happen?
In other news my ex girlfriend can go die. I understand she's hurt and I understand she doesn't like this situation, but I was informed about how much she flipped out this weekend and reveled in my misery. Now while I was the one that broke up with her at the end of it all I always attempted to be her friend. I've defended her when people had bad things to say about her, I've helped her when she needed someone, and goodness knows I went out of my way to make things easier on her. What did I get in return? When i confess about my misery she laughs. She's so incredibly happy to know I'm so miserable and that things are not working out with me and Ashley as of late. She is not my friend. No friend finds joy in the misery of their friends.
I want to just turn inward and choke on my own heart.
