tsumik

3am and a billion thoughts are racing through my head. So fast that I just want to spiral them down on paper or on the computer before they run off without my memory of them. But where to start. I guess coming home for christmas being around my family slows my pace of life down to a stand still almost. Makes me stop and look at the scenery and perhaps a little bit of myself. It allows me to do things with a hall pass from my daily life of sorts to explore and reflect on my life and the lives around me. I used to do this all the time and in that it helped solidify a much more focused, inspired individual in myself. And I realize all work and no rest/contemplation makes Erich a mechanical boy. I just do things cause they need tending or completion. I lose all that initiative, creativity, and imagination for which I've always prided myself of having.

Imagination...

Such a powerful word in the the nuances of communication. I was reading about autism, savants, lost religious branches, and schemes of cataloging and searching vast quanitities of data, and reaized you have to be in a way a little bit mad or unhiged to be real visionary. I found comfort in knowing one can be slightly autistic and understanding partly the actual processes there mind works in. It's comforting to know that while I'll probably never be a musical genius, it does explains why when I sit down to piano I FEEL notes, melodies and expressions that seems odd to just want to pour from my head. I sense this need from one chord to another what I want the next one to be. I don't like playing written music, I like to just sit and play. Something I could almost never go back and play again but just to allow my emotions to just traverse from one mood/story/color/emotion to the next. I understand very much so when some of these kids say I see math equations.

Apparently as a child I could fix a rubik's cube no matter how twisted or rearranged it was. Never read a book or was taught some esoteric formula, I just got it. And things like this have always disturbed me all my life. Why somethings just weren't as crystal clear as some very odd subject to me like optics, 3d space, relativity, music, color, and the most disturbing of all is the constant mental exploring nearly every possibly tangent of an event before it happens in complex detail. but other things like grammer, speaking english, and other minor things just always get high margins of error from me. But now I'm starting babble, and it's Christmas. And there alot of people I want to thank, explain, and wish good tidings to. So for all of you that haven't seen before, http://tanreik.stillvapor.com is built for you.